Are you the person that tends to take themselves way too seriously? If so, you might be actually driving away people which prevents you from establishing relationships. You don’t have to be too grim or too perfect to get things done in your life.
When it comes to relationships, a bit of imperfection here or a quirk there can make you attractive to the right kind of people. Being at ease with with the more vulnerable side of yourself to the point of laughing at your own absurdities and inconsistencies gives the signal that you are quite open and are not insecure.
Of course, there is the matter of you surrounding yourself with people that are supportive and the farthest from being toxic. However, you should be in a level of confidence high enough to not let the smallest of perceived insults get to you. Regardless if a comment against you is legit criticism or mere projection on that person’s part, you have to let such insults slide.
By laughing at your own mistakes and imperfections, you effectively disarm anything that can be thrown against you and you tend to look a bit more confident to people. And with confidence comes attraction.
B. Doing What is Right
More often than not, you will deal with your self-esteem. And when self-esteem becomes an issue for people, things happen less because they are the most necessary course of action but because you “want to please people”.
Being too focused on clout and praise tends to narrow our vision as you become too focused on yourself. To put it more bluntly, you start caring for what other people think about you.
Seeking validation is not cute. In fact, it makes you look desperate and can drive people away from you. Instead, you should base your decision on what you think or know is right. Whether in public or in private, every move you make should contribute to a larger purpose, regardless of what that purpose is.
And that purpose should be something that you yourself know is good and not just something that everybody else thinks is good for you. Being an active and supportive person will eventually bring you the validation that you were looking for (or not).
After all, consistency is a strong element to attraction. If your perception of yourself flip flops depending on the mood of everybody else, you won’t have a stable foundation to stand on. This segues into the next consideration which is….
C. Living For Yourself
Assertiveness is one other element that people look for in a possible partner. This is not aggression, mind you, where the goal is to bulldoze people with your mere presence. Being assertive means that you do things or insist on doing things because they fit some goal that you have set.
Assertiveness therefore cannot be seen if you spend too much time worrying about what other people think of you. Instead of asking yourself such a question, you should ask these:
Doing this will help you make that voice in your head, that one that tends to needlessly criticize and second-guess all your decisions, shut up.
This also requires you to stand up for yourself. In as much as this does not need to be emphasized, being a push over does not make you attractive to any woman. Sure, you can be in touch with the more vulnerable side of yourself but do not do this too much to the point that you would look weak.
Knowing what you need and how to get it without stepping on somebody’s toes can make you attractive to others as opposed to looking either weak or unhinged.
D. Happiness
The sensation of happiness has a tendency to ease tension not only within yourself but also within the very room that you stand in. This is not only something that requires you to not take yourself too seriously but to also disarm that critic within you I.e. that side of you that harshly criticizes itself on its thoughts and actions.
To disarm that inner critic, you need to let your mind focus on something more productive. Engage in a hobby, improve on yourself, and carry yourself in public that puts yourself at ease. By choosing to be happy over being self-critical, you allow all tension within your body to get released in more productive channels. Once that is done, you allow more positive energies (and people) to get attracted to you.
E. Self-Discipline
This might look like it contrasts with the last two aspects but the truth is that having a bit of self-discipline will help you become happier and live for yourself. Here’s how it works: by taking care of yourself, you allow yourself to identify what you truly need in order to become happier with your life. On the flip side, you will find out what things are holding you back and, worse, making you miserable by the minute.
Do yourself a favor: eat well, work out, spend on what makes you happy and what you truly need, and attend to your emotional and psychological health. The better you are from top to bottom and from inside and out, the more radiant you will be to everybody else.
Becoming the right person for somebody else is something that involves more than mere vanity. You are not only required to look presentable in public but also improve on yourself in a way that makes you think healthier, act better, and socialize with everyone better. A better you will almost always equate to a more attractive you.
At the very least, with your physical and emotional needs covered, we can start dealing with the more manageable quirks that make you a hard sell to the opposite sex.