Let’s address the biggest issue. Why would you think that you might fail in dating? What would be the things that could hold you back from hooking up with a potential partner?
Believe it or not, almost every man in the world commits a certain set of mistakes or possess a certain set of quirks that accidentally make their dating game extremely difficult. Be it something that you think is okay (but is not) or something that you know to be potentially date-ruining and yet resolve to do it anyway, here are some of the common reasons why a lot of adult men fail in the dating scene.
1.Standards are Too High (and Superficial)
Now, look. Having standards is okay. In fact, you would need it in order to find the right person for your life. But some standards you set might just set you up for failure.
For example, some men would not want to date someone who is located beyond 5 miles where they lived. Or how about men that date only women with gray or green eyes. You might be surprised that there are men out there who won’t date women who earn less than $100K every year.
The problem with these standards is not only that they are high but they are surface-level I.e. things that really don’t matter once you get to know a person. Ask yourself this question, would you risk spending years alone until somebody ticks all the boxes or have someone who is not exactly what you are looking for but would meet even more wholesome requirements.
The Solution: Set More Practical Standards
Do away with the superficial standards like a high salary or possessing certain genetic traits. Anything that would cross out 50% of the pool of single women in your immediate area as potential dates have to be done away with. Instead, what you should be looking for are the following:
These qualities can determine whether or not that person is there for the long term once you do away with the romantic fluff.
2.You are Filling an Emotional Void
Does the phrase “you complete me” sound romantic to you? If so, you are going to the dating scene for a totally wrong reason. That person, whoever she is, is not there to fill in something that you have been missing in your life like. Both of you should come out of the relationship as better people without becoming too emotionally dependent on one another since that is a recipe for a toxic relationship.
The Solution: Take Care of Yourself First
No, this is not a plea to become selfish. Self-care is one of the crucial aspects that you need to look at before you go looking for a relationship. It is about addressing your own personal quirks and weaknesses first so that nobody else has to do it for you.
In essence, you should be presenting the best version of yourself when dating or, at the very least, an active Work in Progress. After all, who at these times is ever going to spend their time and effort waiting for you to become the ideal version of you?
At the same time, this prevents you from becoming too attached to someone who is not right for you just because they “fill that void”. You will learn to say no to a toxic relationship when you have dealt with your personal issues.
3.You Analyze Too Much
Would I make her laugh? Will she find me attractive? Does she like the restaurant I booked for her date? Will she like me within 5 dates? Where do I find myself with her in a few months from now? And so on and so forth.
What you have to understand is that, even if it requires strategy and a lot of thinking, Dating is still a rather emotional thing. Before you think about the more intellectual problems in your would-be relationship, you should focus about the problem at hand: the date!
Solution: Read the Room
When in a date, you should not be thinking about anything else than going through the encounter in the best way possible. In essence, since this is an emotionally-charged situation, you should be thinking about how you make her or yourself feel.
Is she anxious or insecure around you? What negative emotions can you perceive when both of you meet? Do you feel that you are becoming overbearing when she is around? Is she comfortable with you at all or is she just waiting for the earliest opportunity to bail out? Issues that generally revolve around how you project yourself around her should be your focus on every date.
And this skill can only be learned if you have some sense of self-awareness with you. You have to know how your personality reacts with other personalities and find out how you could use that (or suppress it) to your advantage.
How she would feel whenever you meet will tell you how well that potential relationship might last.
4.You KILLED The First Date
If you are entirely new to dating, there is a 99.99% chance that your first date is going to super awkward. How that first conversation goes through can determine if that relationship has a chance of growing or not.
But there is a fine line between an awkward date to a straight up Valentine’s Day Massacre. And when it comes to men, they often commit the same mistakes that lead to them murdering their first date.
Here are some of the things that would immediately kill the vibe of your first date:
There are still other more specific things that you could do that would potentially murder your first date but these are more of the general stuff that men like you could commit.
The Solution: Avoid Date-Killer Moves
The way to solve this problem is pretty straightforward. You just have to avoid committing any act that will leave a negative impression. You might want to learn from us on how you could make a good first impression to women (which will be introduced later on).
You should also be mindful of the things that would potentially turn off any woman who looks at you. This segues perfectly to the next problem which is….
5.You Just Suck. Period.
The most bitter pill that you would have to swallow is that, perhaps, your attitude is not immediately date-compatible. Perhaps you are overcompensating in date. Perhaps you tend to pig out when eating in a restaurant. Perhaps you speak without a filter. Perhaps you think that acting like a complete chauvinist would woo women in this day and age (spoiler alert: It doesn’t).
What that means is that you are too independent, abrasive, or forceful to the point that you yourself would make mistakes, leading to a disastrous first date.
The problem with this is that ever disaster of a date would stack on top of each other when it comes to negative emotions. In practice, this means that you would feel bad that the date did not go as planned which carries to the next date which leads to even poorer results. And so on.
The Solution: Take the Time to Improve on Yourself
To do this, you have to accept the fact that you, as you are now, are not exactly Dating Material. However, the good thing about negative attitudes and habits is that they are fixable. Give yourself a month or two addressing the things within you that are total turn-offs for women. Things like personal hygiene, etiquette, and even the ability to hold a conversation contribute to making a good first impression.
And, of course, you don’t have to do this on your own. You can only always seek help to improve yourself. There are a lot of people out there who know about dating more than you and, thus, could guide you on what to do to impress your date. With the right kind of guidance, you could become the best yet truest version of yourself that will leave the best first impression on the right woman for you.